well then...

I are teh confused.

Sometimes I curse my inability to speak up and not ask things straight out. Sometimes I wonder why I can't make myself talk. And sometimes I think that's the skill I could have.

*sigh*

I realize I've been making lots of cryptic, angsty posts. I hope that can change sometime soon... but the way things are going... it might not happen for a while. Things are shifting.. changing. I'm changing.

Only time will tell if it's for the better. I hope it is.

It's going to be a long night

I have chips, salsa and a bottle of coke. Hardcore reading to get done, but first.. an update.

I just realized that today marks exactly one month that I've been here at school. August 18th I walked into my dorm room with all my stuff, ready to start a new year. And here I am... my world so totally turned upside down. It's crazy. I'd never thought so much could happen.

Schoolwise I have some issues. Personal matters, relationships, everything have all been making me feel no desire to apply myself to my studies. An issue that I'm going to fix tonight. 4 chapters of genetics reading ahoy!

ResNet has never been better. I've reached the point where I can call a lot of the people I work with friends. It's awesome. And despite the boringness of the call center...I'm loving it. I think that should I decide to stay on with this place next semester... I *might* try for Tier 3... Hah. Ambitious I know, what with my current tech skills... But, no one says I can't try. It's one of those things where I know I should be able to do it, but it will take a lot of work. =) Carolina, Fight!

But still lots of confusion. Questions left unanswered. Crazy shit has gone down recently and I'm still wondering what to make of it. And all I can do is talk to those involved, but that's hard. I dislike confrontation and direct questions. A downfall of mine. A fear of being rejected, being told no. Being told that everything I think is futile in the end. So it keeps me from asking. *sigh* Yeah... Funtastical thoughtful times for me. *facepalm* I can't help but think I do this all to myself with the whole overanalyzing things.. but I can't help it. It's what I do.

A side effect of my own personality. I hide. I conceal. It's a rare thing to see my mask drop at all. I know other people do it too to a certain extent. And it makes me try and figure out what other people are thinking. Gah.

And this isn't helping me read... perhaps I should just drink some soda then go back to this reading.

I just need to know...