my brother is an idiot sometimes

more conversational gems have convinced me that my brother is a nutcase.

[eating pizza @ dinner]
Me: Nick! you got crumbs on my silverware...
Nick: did you just say i got *cum* on something?
Me: ...what are you thinking about?! i said CRUMBS!
Nick: oh... i thought you said i got cum on your silverware
Gaby: ...eewww....

[later, as his friend's car pulls into the driveway]
Nick: shit, he's here! *runs to room* i need to put on underwear
Me: ...you're not wearing underwear?
Nick: no..
Me: that was waaaaay too much information

i am amused