![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Birthday-ness
Well I guess it was one of my more interesting birthday's at least.
I stayed up late studying chem so when the morning came I decided to indulge myself and sleep till 11:30 and skip japanese. All we were gonna do was more transitive verbs that I can study on my own. So whatever. Went to stats... sat and was bored. I then spend the rest of the day attempting to study. It's hard to study when people keep wishing you a Happy Birthday... *sigh* Then it was the class that marianne and I facilitate. We played the cube personality game. It was fun, especialy since everyone seemed really stressed and there's nothing a little coloring your imagination with colored pencils can't cure. *grin* And then it was back to the room to cram for my exam at 7.
Exam... I'd rather not talk about it. My saving grace is the huge extra credit assignment we got today. Much chem will be had over vacation...
On to.... MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!!
Susana, Heather, Lena, Marianne, Tyler, Brett, Pat, Alan, Rick and I all went to the Japanese/Chinese place under Friendly's. It was nuts. I got sushi and presents from Susana, Heather and Lena. It was so weird having them all together. Odd combinations and conversations all over the place. After dinner and lots of pictures we all went back to the room. Marianne was super-cool and made me a chocolate cake at Tyler's place. *hearts* So we ate cake and played video games. I guess I felt a little left out though... Video games instantly eclipsed the fact that we were celebrating my birthday... *sigh*
Nifty presents though!! I got the cutest doggy plush from Lena, a *purse* from Susana, and a set of lotins and spray from Victoria's Secret from Heather. Fun stuff. I'm so spoiled.
Everyone left and Rick and I were left playing Soul Calibur 2.
And here's where stuff wasn't so good. And before I say anything, it's totally my fault. I blame no one.
So Rick stayed over till 2:30 am... And Pat felt left out and hurt. I'm such an idiot. I knew he wanted to spend time alone with me. Hell.... *I* wanted to spend time alone with him. Instead I kept playing... and playing... I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me. It's just... the past few days have been weird and stressful. And I know that's a bad excuse, but I'm stupid like that. *sigh* So when Rick finally left, Pat told me how I'd hurt him and that he was sorry he wasn't as good as video games and that he'd been crying earlier. Cue Carolina sobbing for half an hour. And we're talking extreme sobbing and remorse. Everything kinda condensed into this and the thought that I had hurt someone who loves me so much and who I love back just as much is painful as all hell. I just couldn't stop crying. It was awful. And it's been ages since anyone saw me like that too... I think we're ok now, but it's always my fault. I can't help feeling like I just am incapable of this. He disagrees.... but I really don't deserve him at all. And sometimes it just scares me... I dunno.... I feel like I can't live up to the person he sees when he looks at me. I really hurt him last night. *sigh* I think I fail... He would drop everything just to be with me, but once again... all he sees me do is choose stuff over him. And I don't know why I do because everytime it happens I never know why. And I can't give him an answer when he asks me why. And it's too confusing for me to figure out at all... And it scares me that it might make me lose him... *sigh* I dunno... I can't even figure out my own mind anymore... I give up.
And now time for dinner and laundry. Maybe I'll post some memes and pics later.
I stayed up late studying chem so when the morning came I decided to indulge myself and sleep till 11:30 and skip japanese. All we were gonna do was more transitive verbs that I can study on my own. So whatever. Went to stats... sat and was bored. I then spend the rest of the day attempting to study. It's hard to study when people keep wishing you a Happy Birthday... *sigh* Then it was the class that marianne and I facilitate. We played the cube personality game. It was fun, especialy since everyone seemed really stressed and there's nothing a little coloring your imagination with colored pencils can't cure. *grin* And then it was back to the room to cram for my exam at 7.
Exam... I'd rather not talk about it. My saving grace is the huge extra credit assignment we got today. Much chem will be had over vacation...
On to.... MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!!
Susana, Heather, Lena, Marianne, Tyler, Brett, Pat, Alan, Rick and I all went to the Japanese/Chinese place under Friendly's. It was nuts. I got sushi and presents from Susana, Heather and Lena. It was so weird having them all together. Odd combinations and conversations all over the place. After dinner and lots of pictures we all went back to the room. Marianne was super-cool and made me a chocolate cake at Tyler's place. *hearts* So we ate cake and played video games. I guess I felt a little left out though... Video games instantly eclipsed the fact that we were celebrating my birthday... *sigh*
Nifty presents though!! I got the cutest doggy plush from Lena, a *purse* from Susana, and a set of lotins and spray from Victoria's Secret from Heather. Fun stuff. I'm so spoiled.
Everyone left and Rick and I were left playing Soul Calibur 2.
And here's where stuff wasn't so good. And before I say anything, it's totally my fault. I blame no one.
So Rick stayed over till 2:30 am... And Pat felt left out and hurt. I'm such an idiot. I knew he wanted to spend time alone with me. Hell.... *I* wanted to spend time alone with him. Instead I kept playing... and playing... I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me. It's just... the past few days have been weird and stressful. And I know that's a bad excuse, but I'm stupid like that. *sigh* So when Rick finally left, Pat told me how I'd hurt him and that he was sorry he wasn't as good as video games and that he'd been crying earlier. Cue Carolina sobbing for half an hour. And we're talking extreme sobbing and remorse. Everything kinda condensed into this and the thought that I had hurt someone who loves me so much and who I love back just as much is painful as all hell. I just couldn't stop crying. It was awful. And it's been ages since anyone saw me like that too... I think we're ok now, but it's always my fault. I can't help feeling like I just am incapable of this. He disagrees.... but I really don't deserve him at all. And sometimes it just scares me... I dunno.... I feel like I can't live up to the person he sees when he looks at me. I really hurt him last night. *sigh* I think I fail... He would drop everything just to be with me, but once again... all he sees me do is choose stuff over him. And I don't know why I do because everytime it happens I never know why. And I can't give him an answer when he asks me why. And it's too confusing for me to figure out at all... And it scares me that it might make me lose him... *sigh* I dunno... I can't even figure out my own mind anymore... I give up.
And now time for dinner and laundry. Maybe I'll post some memes and pics later.
no subject
That exam sucked didn't it? 3 questions I didn't know how to start and/or do so I counted those as wrong... so after I calculated that, the highest grade I could've received was a 68 :( yeah... I won't be surprised if I'm in those single digits... I wonder why I even studied...
Oh oh, does that sushi place serve anago or unagi... huh huh?
no subject
1. Happy belated birthday
2. hope we can chill some over thanksgiving.
3. Pat's a cool guy and i'm sure he reads ur lj, he'll get over it
4. And this is for pat, if your not good at video games, don't cry, just lock yourself in a room and play till ur fingers get carpel tunnel.
5. Make sure you give pat my message, or bad things will come
6. peace out