fiarra | Look at me not going to sleep.... (i'm just ranting here, feel free to ignore)

I said I was going to sleep like half an hour ago. But I'm not there. I was going to, but then I was thinking and stuff happened and now I'm just confused. I don't think I'm going to go into details. It'll just come out wrong and I rather suspect that this is the sort of thing that if I say it wrong, I'll just get in a lot of trouble. Just wanted to write this out for myself so I could remember it. Not that it'll help my mind any since I'm not giving any details... Ack!! I always do this to myself. I start second-guessing and then my imagination runs away with everything and leaves me confused and doubtful. So now I'm just sitting here, staring at all the open windows from dc and aim and iTunes and IE and trying to figure stuff out and it's 3:34 am and i'm hungry. Why am I feeling insecure with myself right now? I know it's not just because I'm tired. I know it's not that. It's been building for a while now. I've felt it creeping up, but I tried to ignore it. And now.... now I'm just feeling a little directionless. And break is almost here and that's just adding to my anxiety and insecurity and I don't know anymore. DAMNIT!!! Now I just want to go sit in the corner and cry. I can feel myself tearing up as I type. Why now? I don't need this. I really don't. Things are going well.. yes they are. Maybe if I keep telling myself that all will be well. I hope so. I hate thinking. It just causes problems. This isn't cool. Whyd I choose to do this now. I can't sleep like this. I just feel cruddy. This isn't fair to me. Why? WHY?!?!? I feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me and just left me hanging in mid-air with no answers. And the more I sit here and stare at my screen, the worse the feeling gets. Fuck it. I'm going to bed. So I'll sleep badly cuz I'm confused and anxious. I don't care.
Oh and I disabled comments on this entry. I don't want people asking what's wrong. It's my problem, I know why I feel like this right now, I don't really want to explain, I will fix it. hopefully.

EDIT: 10 min later and I'm still here staring at my computer. GAAAAAAAHHHH!! Why am I so confused? I'm getting mixed signals about the issue and I don't know what to think. And I totally know I'm just blowing this out of all proportion and it will all be resolved. Too bad right now I feel like screaming.... or crying.... or both. Bloody fucking hell this is not cool. And look, I'm so confused I'm swearing in here. Sigh... something tells me that I'll be deleting this entry tomorrow... gah. I don't feel any better having ranted in here either. This sucks. I'm going to bed to be upset at the world. Good night.