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MOVIE: Elektra Luxx
I am going to preface this by saying sorry. Basically, JGL is a perfect human being and I am apparently on a mission to watch EVERYTHING HE HAS BEEN IN EVER. This quest is why I spent my Friday night sobbing hysterically all over my laptop after watching Mysterious Skin. THAT MOVIE MAKES EVERYTHING SO VERY NOT OKAY AAAHHH. That said, it was a powerful movie with some excellent acting. I am glad I watched it, but I think I would like to spend the rest of my life making sure I never see it again.
That brings us to yesterday.
Step One: If you are unfamiliar with this movie, watch the trailer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiOj8eOEUxo
After watching that trailer, you are probably wondering what is wrong with me. ....We're not going to get into that. So basically, this movie went on limited release last week. By limited release, I means FIVE THEATRES NATIONWIDE. FIVE. Fortunately, one of those 5 was located in Boston, over near MIT. I have a busy week coming up so I decided that Monday would be the best day since I'm on campus anyway and have nothing to do in the afternoon. First of all, it was an adventure even getting there! It involved the Red Line. D: And then I had to walk farther than anticipated through some kinda sketch areas.
I got there and judged myself through the entire process of buying a ticket and a cherry coke. It felt a little bit like I was buying a ticket to watch a porn flick or something! This was not helped by the fact that I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE THEATRE. /o\ And then the movie started.
Previews: They showed a preview for Super and it looked really cute. Ellen Page is adorable. I may have to make a mental note for another time. ....I don't remember anything else about the previews except that one of them used non-vocal bits of Hurricane by 30STM.
The movie itself: This summary is going to be confusing as I try to talk my way through details. here there be spoilers~
The movie itself opens with JGL as Bert Rodriguez, sex blogger for the magazine Empelotas: the #1 leading source for Spanish sexy news (or something along those lines). There are several minutes of him talking about porn, including a memorable line about sculpted pubic hair. (Sometime around this point, I start questioning my life choices). He goes on to detail the video exploits of one Elektra Luxx, adult film star who has just retired. This includes several "clips" of some of these movies. And a description of her smash hit where she plays a set of nymphomaniac twins. I should note, this is complete with cheesy porn music playing in the background. (LOOK AT MY LIFE, LOOK AT MY CHOICES). He is interrupted by his mother yelling at him to take out the trash, at which point it becomes evident that he is broadcasting from his basement.
Then we have Elektra, the retired porn star. She is now teaching a class on "How to act like a porn star in bed" at a local community college, where she... helps women act like porn stars for their husbands/boyfriends/whatever. Elektra used to date a famous rock star who died. She is pregnant with his child. When he died, a folder of lyrics/songs for his next album were ost. So this is where it gets confusing. She is approached by a woman who says that she has the song lyrics and that all the songs were written about Elektra and that all Elektra has to do for them.. is seduce her finace. See, random woman (i don't remember her name) was a groupie and cheated on her fiance WITH the rock star.. which indirectly led to his death. So now she is double-guilty. She wants to forgive her finace by catching him cheating, getting mad and then saying she will forgive him (YAY ROLE MODELS) and then make amends with Elektra by giving her the song lyrics. (WHAT) Elektra says no, but then she feels bad for this drunk girl and is like, fine. Somewhere along the way we meet one of Elektra's former colleagues, a dim girl who is off to Mexico with her bff.
Right. So they are at drunk lady's apartment, with drunk lady passed out in the bathtub. Elektra sleeps with someone who she thinks is the fiance (there is a lot of awkward moaning and yelling that made me want to DIE), but turns out is really a private detective wanting to find the song lyrics (he has been stalking Elektra to do this) and then real finace shows up and it's all very awkward.
Meanwhile, at casa de Bert the sex blogger, he discovers that his little sister hacked his site and posted pinup pics of herself to try and generate hits for him and he gets into a fight with her about it. She also hijacks him cam a few scenes later and starts filming a striptease (to post on his site) and they get into a screaming fight about it, AND I LAUGHED SO HARD FOR THIS WHOLE PART OMG. There is also mention of a girl he is friends with, this is important later.
SO THEN WE GO TO MEXICO where Elektra's friend is having a sexy dream about her bff (which was like, oh hi sudden girl-on-girl lapdance what is going on). Turns out, dim-girl is in love with her bff, but bff doesn't know it (they are both porn stars/prostitutes). BFF has found some men who would like to "buy them dinner" and dim-girl is like, but we're on vacay. (This is out of order, but they were boring to me so I am going to just tell you their whole story). Dim-girl finally goes to dinner with bff and the 2 men where she proceeds to act really weird and gross all through dinner to try and scare the men off (There is a flashback story to like.. Venezuela in here, where we are told the story of BFF's great-grandmother who refused to whore herself out to some man or something). Finally BFF confronts dim-girl in the bathroom, there is a confession of lesbian love and then they make out. END OF THEIR STORY.
Back to Elektra, she goes home after sleeping with this guy who wasn't really the fiance and gets trapped in the elevator with her neighbor, who is naked after having run out after his wife and getting locked out. They have a chat about life and then he tries to get her to sleep with him. She turns him down, she leaves and she has a vision of the Virgin Mary (lol virgin) in her bathroom. Mary says that Elektra's baby will be healthy and Elektra has a mental crisis about what she will tell her daughter about her sordid past. The some teenage girl arrives at Elektra's house to hangout.
BACK TO BERT! Bert is filming his continuing sorrow at Elektra retiring. There is a clip of this on the internets, basically he compares her retirement to like.. people dying. He is once again interrupted by his mother saying that his friend is here. Friend is a cute blonde girl who works as a cashier at a local shop. She has arrived to show Bert some ~pictures she has had taken of herself. There is a lot of discussion on how "well-lit" her "everything" is. Including a line about how he thinks he can see her kidney in one pic. She reveals that she doesn't REALLY want to be an internet pinup, but that she just wanted him to notice her. Bert, being a sad basement dweller, is like.. oh god a real girl. And he passes out on her.
ELEKTRA AGAIN!
While babysitting this teenage girl (who is cool, I wanted more of her), one of the women in her class (yea, remember the class?) has stopped by. Turns out, she is REALLY A FAMOUS AUTHOR and she wants Elektra to write a self-help book about women and sex so they can make millions! Elektra is like, oh look a legitimate thing to do to make money yay! So they plan to write a book.
And thus, the movie ends at a book reading/signing for Elektra's book "Women in Ecstasy" where all the people from throughout the movie are present. Bert is an adorable fanboy about meeting her (he has a giant poster from one of her porn movies with him for her to sign lol) and he introduces Elektra to his girlfriend. Private detective and the girls from Mexico are there too. Bert asks Elektra how much her boobs have grown with the pregnancy and before she can answer, her water breaks and the movie ends with Bert scooping her up to rush her out the door to a cab.
THE END.
DEAR LIVEJOURNAL, WHAT ON EARTH DID I WATCH. I'M NOT QUITE SURE TO BE HONEST. I JUST KNOW THAT IT WAS KINDA AWESOME IN A WEIRD WAY THAT LEFT ME CONFUSED.
Obvs, I was only there for JGL and I still have NO IDEA what his accent was supposed to be. It was a weird mix of nothing at all. I am still confused by the inclusion of the girls in Mexico, I can only conclude that it was a reference to the first movie, which I did not see.
....I am bored of typing now, so I am going to stop.
And now, an open letter to JGL and the choices he makes of movies to be in:
That brings us to yesterday.
Step One: If you are unfamiliar with this movie, watch the trailer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiOj8eOEUxo
After watching that trailer, you are probably wondering what is wrong with me. ....We're not going to get into that. So basically, this movie went on limited release last week. By limited release, I means FIVE THEATRES NATIONWIDE. FIVE. Fortunately, one of those 5 was located in Boston, over near MIT. I have a busy week coming up so I decided that Monday would be the best day since I'm on campus anyway and have nothing to do in the afternoon. First of all, it was an adventure even getting there! It involved the Red Line. D: And then I had to walk farther than anticipated through some kinda sketch areas.
I got there and judged myself through the entire process of buying a ticket and a cherry coke. It felt a little bit like I was buying a ticket to watch a porn flick or something! This was not helped by the fact that I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE THEATRE. /o\ And then the movie started.
Previews: They showed a preview for Super and it looked really cute. Ellen Page is adorable. I may have to make a mental note for another time. ....I don't remember anything else about the previews except that one of them used non-vocal bits of Hurricane by 30STM.
The movie itself: This summary is going to be confusing as I try to talk my way through details. here there be spoilers~
The movie itself opens with JGL as Bert Rodriguez, sex blogger for the magazine Empelotas: the #1 leading source for Spanish sexy news (or something along those lines). There are several minutes of him talking about porn, including a memorable line about sculpted pubic hair. (Sometime around this point, I start questioning my life choices). He goes on to detail the video exploits of one Elektra Luxx, adult film star who has just retired. This includes several "clips" of some of these movies. And a description of her smash hit where she plays a set of nymphomaniac twins. I should note, this is complete with cheesy porn music playing in the background. (LOOK AT MY LIFE, LOOK AT MY CHOICES). He is interrupted by his mother yelling at him to take out the trash, at which point it becomes evident that he is broadcasting from his basement.
Then we have Elektra, the retired porn star. She is now teaching a class on "How to act like a porn star in bed" at a local community college, where she... helps women act like porn stars for their husbands/boyfriends/whatever. Elektra used to date a famous rock star who died. She is pregnant with his child. When he died, a folder of lyrics/songs for his next album were ost. So this is where it gets confusing. She is approached by a woman who says that she has the song lyrics and that all the songs were written about Elektra and that all Elektra has to do for them.. is seduce her finace. See, random woman (i don't remember her name) was a groupie and cheated on her fiance WITH the rock star.. which indirectly led to his death. So now she is double-guilty. She wants to forgive her finace by catching him cheating, getting mad and then saying she will forgive him (YAY ROLE MODELS) and then make amends with Elektra by giving her the song lyrics. (WHAT) Elektra says no, but then she feels bad for this drunk girl and is like, fine. Somewhere along the way we meet one of Elektra's former colleagues, a dim girl who is off to Mexico with her bff.
Right. So they are at drunk lady's apartment, with drunk lady passed out in the bathtub. Elektra sleeps with someone who she thinks is the fiance (there is a lot of awkward moaning and yelling that made me want to DIE), but turns out is really a private detective wanting to find the song lyrics (he has been stalking Elektra to do this) and then real finace shows up and it's all very awkward.
Meanwhile, at casa de Bert the sex blogger, he discovers that his little sister hacked his site and posted pinup pics of herself to try and generate hits for him and he gets into a fight with her about it. She also hijacks him cam a few scenes later and starts filming a striptease (to post on his site) and they get into a screaming fight about it, AND I LAUGHED SO HARD FOR THIS WHOLE PART OMG. There is also mention of a girl he is friends with, this is important later.
SO THEN WE GO TO MEXICO where Elektra's friend is having a sexy dream about her bff (which was like, oh hi sudden girl-on-girl lapdance what is going on). Turns out, dim-girl is in love with her bff, but bff doesn't know it (they are both porn stars/prostitutes). BFF has found some men who would like to "buy them dinner" and dim-girl is like, but we're on vacay. (This is out of order, but they were boring to me so I am going to just tell you their whole story). Dim-girl finally goes to dinner with bff and the 2 men where she proceeds to act really weird and gross all through dinner to try and scare the men off (There is a flashback story to like.. Venezuela in here, where we are told the story of BFF's great-grandmother who refused to whore herself out to some man or something). Finally BFF confronts dim-girl in the bathroom, there is a confession of lesbian love and then they make out. END OF THEIR STORY.
Back to Elektra, she goes home after sleeping with this guy who wasn't really the fiance and gets trapped in the elevator with her neighbor, who is naked after having run out after his wife and getting locked out. They have a chat about life and then he tries to get her to sleep with him. She turns him down, she leaves and she has a vision of the Virgin Mary (lol virgin) in her bathroom. Mary says that Elektra's baby will be healthy and Elektra has a mental crisis about what she will tell her daughter about her sordid past. The some teenage girl arrives at Elektra's house to hangout.
BACK TO BERT! Bert is filming his continuing sorrow at Elektra retiring. There is a clip of this on the internets, basically he compares her retirement to like.. people dying. He is once again interrupted by his mother saying that his friend is here. Friend is a cute blonde girl who works as a cashier at a local shop. She has arrived to show Bert some ~pictures she has had taken of herself. There is a lot of discussion on how "well-lit" her "everything" is. Including a line about how he thinks he can see her kidney in one pic. She reveals that she doesn't REALLY want to be an internet pinup, but that she just wanted him to notice her. Bert, being a sad basement dweller, is like.. oh god a real girl. And he passes out on her.
ELEKTRA AGAIN!
While babysitting this teenage girl (who is cool, I wanted more of her), one of the women in her class (yea, remember the class?) has stopped by. Turns out, she is REALLY A FAMOUS AUTHOR and she wants Elektra to write a self-help book about women and sex so they can make millions! Elektra is like, oh look a legitimate thing to do to make money yay! So they plan to write a book.
And thus, the movie ends at a book reading/signing for Elektra's book "Women in Ecstasy" where all the people from throughout the movie are present. Bert is an adorable fanboy about meeting her (he has a giant poster from one of her porn movies with him for her to sign lol) and he introduces Elektra to his girlfriend. Private detective and the girls from Mexico are there too. Bert asks Elektra how much her boobs have grown with the pregnancy and before she can answer, her water breaks and the movie ends with Bert scooping her up to rush her out the door to a cab.
THE END.
DEAR LIVEJOURNAL, WHAT ON EARTH DID I WATCH. I'M NOT QUITE SURE TO BE HONEST. I JUST KNOW THAT IT WAS KINDA AWESOME IN A WEIRD WAY THAT LEFT ME CONFUSED.
Obvs, I was only there for JGL and I still have NO IDEA what his accent was supposed to be. It was a weird mix of nothing at all. I am still confused by the inclusion of the girls in Mexico, I can only conclude that it was a reference to the first movie, which I did not see.
....I am bored of typing now, so I am going to stop.
And now, an open letter to JGL and the choices he makes of movies to be in:
no subject
IDK IDK CAROLINA, I THINK I'D WATCH THE MOVIE JUST FOR THIS. (lol who am I kidding I'd watch everything with him in it. Except for Mysterious Skin D:)
She also hijacks him cam a few scenes later and starts filming a striptease (to post on his site) and they get into a screaming fight about it
YES I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THIS NOW.
Bert, being a sad basement dweller, is like.. oh god a real girl. And he passes out on her.
I JUST BURST OUT LAUGHING. BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
CAROLINA DID YOU REALISE SOMETHING: YOU MIGHT BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WHOLE OF USA, NAY, WORLD, THAT HAS SEEN THIS MOVIE?! (as of yesterday at least). I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, REALLY.
And I still have zero clue as to why he did this movie but let's just assume it's some hipster irony/blackmail thing going on and uh.. move on to Hesher. LOOOOOLLLLLLOLOLOL. MAY 13. YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA WATCH IT TOO. I'M SURE IT'D BE PLAYING IN MORE THAN 5 THEATRES.
Don't judge yourself too much! How can you resist this face?!
:3333
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I literally almost cried when you pointed out that I am part of a very small group of the general public who has actually bothered to see this movie. AND I BET SOME OF THEM WERE CREEPY OLD DUDES TOO. *SOB* MY LIFE. MY CHOICES.
As soon as there is a DL available somewhere, I am insisting that we watch this. JGL was basically the best part of the movie (even if I still don't know what accent he was trying to create). I almost screamed with laughter at the ending scene when he is asking Elektra who big her boobs have gotten with the pregnancy thing. SCREAMED.
Personally, I'm going with blackmail. Or he owed someone a HUGE favor. Although he apparently was BRIEFLY in the first movie (Women in Trouble) as Bert, which came out before he was more well known, so maybe there was a multi-movie deal he couldn't get out of. OH GOD WHAT IF THEY MAKE THE THIRD AND HE IS IN IT TOO AND I WILL HAVE TO GO WATCH IT AND CRY THE WHOLE TIME AND OH GOD WHY DON'T DO IT JGL.
Fuck.... I am totally going to go watch Hesher too, aren't I?
Who am I kidding, I would do a lot for that face.
(ALSO WHY DO I NOT HAVE A JGL ICON THAT IS SO WRONG)
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Oh you know I'm SO watching that movie with you if there's a DL somewhere. And I might just love it unironically BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS RELATED TO HIM /o\/o\
so maybe there was a multi-movie deal he couldn't get out of
.... HOW DID I NOT CONSIDER THIS. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. But then again there's still the question of why was he even in the first movie? Whatever happened to him "making a conscious effort to be in good movies"?!?!
Of course you're going to watch Hesher how is that a question. DID YOU NOT SEE HOW PROUD HE WAS OF THE MOVIE? #gratitude (omg he's so presh i cannot deal with him)
Here: have something for your icon making consideration. BERT RODRIGUEZ IN JGL CLOTHES
no subject
NGL, I like Elektra Luxx for the fact that it is SO RIDICULOUS. MOVIES THAT LEAVE ME CONFUSED ARE A+ BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY DO A GOOD JOB AT MAKING ME CONTINUE TO THINK ABOUT THEM.
My current theory about the 1st movie... is that... um..... he was still starting out? In the interview where that director dude talked about the porn audition tape, he mentions that bb dimpleface was trying to break out~~ from that "child actor" thing. MAYBE BEING IN A MOVIE ABOUT A PORN STAR WAS THE NEXT BEST OPTION. IDK IDK IDK. ;-;
AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAID ALL THOSE OPTIONS............... WOMEN IN TROUBLE WAS FILMED IN 2009 WHATTTT. SO THAT DOESN'T EVEN WORK. IDK JOE YOU ARE CONFUSING WHY DO YOU DO THIS.
W/E W/E IT MUST BE A HIPSTER THING
/o\ I can't get over how PROUD he is of Hesher. It's cute, he loves his work clearly. But then I think about actually WATCHING it and I'm like, whyyyyyyy.
THAT PICTURE. IS EVERYTHING I LOVE. WELL ALMOST. TSHIRT. HOODIE. LONGER HAIR. NEEDS MOAR DIMPLES.
WHAT I REALLY NEED A GOOD ICON OF THIS:
no subject
You know what? I think we should just conclude that the reason why he was even in this ridiculous film in the first place is because he WANTS TO HELP OUT THE INDIE MOVIE CIRCUIT. YOU KNOW, GIVING BACK AND ALL THAT NOW THAT BB'S A STAAAAHHH <3 And you know he WOULD do things like that :) (omg it actually makes sense yes? lolol)
Just one word for Hesher: TOPLESS. There you go. See ya at the theatre :D
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no subject