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So... end a successful vacation yet again. Course now it's back to not being fun anymore, but first... vacation tales.
We left on the 26th not so bright and early and got to New Hampshire around 5. But it's all good. We went and got our rental skis and such. Then the next 3 days (27th-29th), it was all skiing. It was pretty much perfect weather for it the whole time. The first day there was fresh snow falling (which resulted in my getting soaked) and it was really pretty. And the overnight snow made it perfect the next day. Fake snow always seems to clump and ice up so much more than natural snow. Maybe that's just my imagination.
I'm very sore now but I managed to not totally injure myself. In fact, I only fell twice and they almost don't count because I didn't actually hit the ground. It was more like I toppled over, but caught myself before it was too bad. But like I said... sore ALL OVER. Especially my shoulders and back. Heh... That's what I get for never exercising them going off for 3 days of skiing.
Today we drove back, but not before our traditional trip over the mountain to the outlet mall. Lots of shopping and the usual. I didn't buy that much. And as usual my sister ended up with another pile of clothes AND 2 pairs of shoes! I was going to buy ski pants at LLBean (read: my parents were going to buy them for me) but then my mom decided they were too expensive. x_x.
The vacation was sorta strange because my brother wasn't with us. Quieter than usual, but also not quite as vacation-like. Oh well I guess... Next time perhaps. And of course a mere 3 hours after we got home, my nice easy relaxed feeling was totally destroyed.
My dad decided that 1am after getting back from a nice vacation was a good time to approach me about my grad school applications. See.. I've finally finished doing it all. But he just asked me what my plan was if I didn't get in. And I didn't know what to say. And then he proceeded to stress me out, lecture me, and totally freak me out.
Basically... if I don't get in now, that's kinda it in a way. I don't like to think about it, but I know it's mostly true. If I don't get in, then the next time I apply I'll have been out of school for 2 years and there will be more and more people applying to the same programs. And they'll all be better candidates than me. At the same time, these places are all super-competitive and hard to get into. I did better on my Bio GRE, but not so much better that I'm confident about it. And my grades are nothing too impressive. And I can only rely on the strength of my recommendations for so long. =\ But like... I don't even know what I would do otherwise. Like.. everything I've ever been working towards is my Ph.D in marine biology. Since I was like... 8. And if it doesn't happen... am I just supposed to forget all that wishful dreaming and come up with something else? And like... fine I know I can get another job doing something with the ocean, but I know it'll never be good enough for my parents.
Not that it ever really is. And I know that. But it also would disappoint me if I couldn't pull it off. And that's whats freaking me out the most. And I don't really want to try and think about it because it honestly scares me. People used to say that they thought it was cool that I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. But they never told me that other part... that if it doesn't work out... then what's left? And I know I'm totally stressing and blowing everything out of proportion.. but yeah.
*sigh* So yeah... The thing is that so many Ph.D programs are like, you need a master's degree already... or the equivalent, sort of a bound thesis. I don't have either of those. And like.. I don't even have a research plan. According to my dad, I should have figured that out halfway through my second year at UCONN. ...Halfway through my second year I was just trying to pass organic chem. How the heck am I supposed to figure out my research plan for the next 2 years to lead me into a Ph.D program?! How does that even make sense?! So yeah.
Did I mention my dad wants my Plan B, C, D etc.. by the end of next week? *deep breaths* I'm looking at other programs again, but like... if I go all applying to only MS programs again then there will be freaking out at me yet again. Argh.
I'm going to bed. Good end to my vacation, huh..
We left on the 26th not so bright and early and got to New Hampshire around 5. But it's all good. We went and got our rental skis and such. Then the next 3 days (27th-29th), it was all skiing. It was pretty much perfect weather for it the whole time. The first day there was fresh snow falling (which resulted in my getting soaked) and it was really pretty. And the overnight snow made it perfect the next day. Fake snow always seems to clump and ice up so much more than natural snow. Maybe that's just my imagination.
I'm very sore now but I managed to not totally injure myself. In fact, I only fell twice and they almost don't count because I didn't actually hit the ground. It was more like I toppled over, but caught myself before it was too bad. But like I said... sore ALL OVER. Especially my shoulders and back. Heh... That's what I get for never exercising them going off for 3 days of skiing.
Today we drove back, but not before our traditional trip over the mountain to the outlet mall. Lots of shopping and the usual. I didn't buy that much. And as usual my sister ended up with another pile of clothes AND 2 pairs of shoes! I was going to buy ski pants at LLBean (read: my parents were going to buy them for me) but then my mom decided they were too expensive. x_x.
The vacation was sorta strange because my brother wasn't with us. Quieter than usual, but also not quite as vacation-like. Oh well I guess... Next time perhaps. And of course a mere 3 hours after we got home, my nice easy relaxed feeling was totally destroyed.
My dad decided that 1am after getting back from a nice vacation was a good time to approach me about my grad school applications. See.. I've finally finished doing it all. But he just asked me what my plan was if I didn't get in. And I didn't know what to say. And then he proceeded to stress me out, lecture me, and totally freak me out.
Basically... if I don't get in now, that's kinda it in a way. I don't like to think about it, but I know it's mostly true. If I don't get in, then the next time I apply I'll have been out of school for 2 years and there will be more and more people applying to the same programs. And they'll all be better candidates than me. At the same time, these places are all super-competitive and hard to get into. I did better on my Bio GRE, but not so much better that I'm confident about it. And my grades are nothing too impressive. And I can only rely on the strength of my recommendations for so long. =\ But like... I don't even know what I would do otherwise. Like.. everything I've ever been working towards is my Ph.D in marine biology. Since I was like... 8. And if it doesn't happen... am I just supposed to forget all that wishful dreaming and come up with something else? And like... fine I know I can get another job doing something with the ocean, but I know it'll never be good enough for my parents.
Not that it ever really is. And I know that. But it also would disappoint me if I couldn't pull it off. And that's whats freaking me out the most. And I don't really want to try and think about it because it honestly scares me. People used to say that they thought it was cool that I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. But they never told me that other part... that if it doesn't work out... then what's left? And I know I'm totally stressing and blowing everything out of proportion.. but yeah.
*sigh* So yeah... The thing is that so many Ph.D programs are like, you need a master's degree already... or the equivalent, sort of a bound thesis. I don't have either of those. And like.. I don't even have a research plan. According to my dad, I should have figured that out halfway through my second year at UCONN. ...Halfway through my second year I was just trying to pass organic chem. How the heck am I supposed to figure out my research plan for the next 2 years to lead me into a Ph.D program?! How does that even make sense?! So yeah.
Did I mention my dad wants my Plan B, C, D etc.. by the end of next week? *deep breaths* I'm looking at other programs again, but like... if I go all applying to only MS programs again then there will be freaking out at me yet again. Argh.
I'm going to bed. Good end to my vacation, huh..
no subject
Also the thing about taking time off in between college and grad school is that you can do work that increases you're marketability (like working in a lab, which you are doing now) so I don't think you need to think of it like a big black hole.
Of course, let's not forget that you got into grad schools last year, I'm sure you'll do fine this year!
no subject