Trapped in a dream that is slowly turning to nightmare

[fiarra]

(*disclaimer* title taken from My Selene by Sonata Arctica and in no way indicates my current state.. kinda... i just like that part)

Well after last entry's emo-fest (thanks to those who replied. i heart you all), I'm feeling... slightly better. I wonder sometimes... but right now I have a lot of other things that I really need to get done before the end of the semster. Like.. figuring out this grad school stuff... and y'know.. getting my grades up. I wish I still had the motivation I used to have in high school. There was once a time that the grades I get now and the effort I put into my classes would have disappointed me. Now I'm still disappointed somewhere inside.. but I can't find the push to work for it. Working on it slowly... and I can only hope that it's good enough to get me where I want later.

The anime club halloween meeting was today. It was fun times. Lots of people ended up dressing up in some form and we had fun. I'm hoping that other people can send me the pictures that they took so I can post them up somewhere for people to see. I never took a picture of all the food we bought.. but we managed to go through it all. Which wasn't really surprising.

Yeah.. iunno. another week... another set of work to push through. Lots of exams coming up and I need to get cracking. Especially in chem.. *cry*


I suppose I'll keep any borderline emo-tastical thoughts under a cut from now on. The being left out feeling remains.. especially when I hear about how so and so all went to do one such thing or another.. and how fun it was... or the times I just kinda sit. On xkcd.com they sell a shirt that says "i'm shy, not antisocial (it's ok to talk to me!)". I think that might sum it up. I withdraw when I'm around people and just kinda listen. I'm proud of my listening... but it hasn't balanced out properly and I'm not very good at starting conversation and interjecting my own thoughts. It's just easier to let myself fade into the background and nod and smile every so often. Sadly... that doesn't get you invited very many places...

Iunno.. I don't wanna turn this into more whining. And I should look on the happier side of things and starting working towards a more outgoing perspective. It's just hard... sometimes I feel so far withdrawn.. I just don't feel like I have anything in common with anyone.. like everything I say comes out stupid. Why does my mind make me think silly things??

Anyway.. I have a summary paper to write for tomorrow... so time to get going!

Comments

[khalahd.livejournal.com]

Don't worry! You're better at starting conversations and interjecting thoughts than I am!
And I like that Shirt quote........
Yay for Anime and food! ^_^

[talendor.livejournal.com]

I have faith in you Lina, keep going, you're doing great :)

[thedreademperor.livejournal.com]

I know that my hime-sama can do it! ^__^

[onelonesamurai.livejournal.com]

There are too few of us out there that actually listen to people. Listening seems to be a hidden talent that only a few of us retain anymore, and it's an amazing thing, to find someone who actually listens to our problems and sits down and tries to talk us through it, as opposed to assuming what the answer has to be and instead of listening to us, just tells us what to do.

Hang in there, Lina, you can pull through!