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Well then...
If I thought Saturday was unproductive I clearly did not anticipate today...
Let's just say waking up at 3pm was *not* a good way to get stuff done... I don't even know what happened. I just passed out and didn't move until 3. And then I was just groggy and headachey. Work was fun though. We finally wrote a good script out for an educational video and it's going to be a lot of fun filming it. =)
The only good thing about today was that I *finally* wrote and emailed off that abstract for my summer work. It is due the 30th so I needed to get it done. I don't think it's half bad for my first one. Hopefully I get lots of good comments for it so it can be perfect for when we sent it off for the meeting. *crosses fingers* I really want to go to Hawaii in Feb....
I think I might take some time to do some musing. Let people know what's going on in my mind and such. LJ-cut as usual in case you just dont care enough to read it.
It's been an interesting month... friendships made.. others quite possibly lost... some still shaky. This whole thing with Pat is throwing me off big-time. And I can't help but feel it's all my fault. I'm not good at this telling people straight up what you think and feel. I'm sure many people I know think I'm just a cold-hearted, cruel bitch. I'm not sure what to make of that. I've been ignoring it, but it's just kinda hurting things more. And then you have the people who think I'm the exact opposite, that I did exactly what I should have done. And at this point I don't even know how to describe things properly. It's... interesting...
I've come to quite a few conclusions over the past week as a result of talking to lots of people... Mostly about who I am as a person and why things didn't work. We are very different in the way we handle relationships. I look for equality in any relationship whether it be romantic or otherwise. The ability to look at the other person and know where I stand with them and that I can not only tell them when they are doing wrong, but also knowing that they will tell me when I am wrong. I'd never thought about it before really. But.. a lot of what I got from Pat was the feeling of being worshipped. I dunno.. it was ok for a while, but you start to feel inadequate after a while.
*sigh* That totally didn't even sum it all up, but I don't feel like typing my way through it. The worst now is the attempt to stay friends. Despite how it seems now, I'd like to be friends again... eventually. Right now I feel like I can't though... there's till too much of the worship there. Little comments... And inside, maybe all I want is for him to hate me. Loathe me and never want to talk to me again. My punishment. I can't face things like I did before, knowing what happened, knowing my failure to see things in myself earlier. Most people would think that worship would be a good self-esteem booster. Well... I have low self esteem. That coupled with the feeling that I'm not worthy of admiration.. I can't live up to that. It's not good. It does not fun things to my mind. Meh. wtf is wrong with me? Why would I just desire it? Why would anyone feel like they should just be disliked?
And people telling me I'm awesome... good... nice.... pretty... I dunno. I'm not feeling it. But that's off-topic. If I even have a topic. People think I don't want to be friends with Pat again. It's the impression I've given off. But as it stands... I can't right now. Hovering over me is that feeling that I'm still being regarded as something pure, a person incapable of evil. There's too much past and I need to reconcile myself with it. I've haven't acknowledged it yet.
I know it hurts... I know it's not fun. God knows I'm not having fun... *sigh*
Life... what am I gonna do with you.
I can't even put half of what I think in words.. and I don't think I'm going to try.
Bold = I’ve seen all of it
Italics = I’ve seen part of it
Brackets = I’ve never even heard of it.
1 Rurouni Kenshin - Reminiscence (1999)
2 Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien (2003)
3 Full Moon wo Sagashite (2002)
4 Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)
5 Fruits Basket (2001)
6 Cowboy Bebop (1998)
7 Gundam Seed (2002)
8 Last EXILE (2003)
9 Naruto (2002)
10 Berserk (1997)
11 Trigun (1998)
12 Cowboy Bebop - Knockin’ on heaven’s door (2001)
13 Hikaru no Go (2001)
14 Rurouni Kenshin (1996)
15 Inuyasha (2000)
16 Love Hina (2000)
17 Furi Kuri (2000)
18 Rahxephon (2002)
19 Azumanga Daioh (2002)
20 Wolf’s Rain (2003)
21 Kiddy Grade (2002)
22 Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu!(2003)
23 Scrapped Princess (2003)
24 Onegai Teacher (2002)
25 Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
26 Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995)
27 Chobits (2002)
28 GetBackers (2002)
29 Full Metal Panic! (2002)
[[30 Shingetsutan Tsukihime (2003)]]
31 Noir (2001)
32 X TV (2001)
33 Vandread 2 (2001)
34 Scryed (2001)
35 Tennis no Ohjisama (2001)
36 Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou (1998)
37 Hellsing (2001)
38 GunGrave (2003)
39 One Piece (1999)
40 Haibane Renmei (2002)
41 Hajime no Ippo (2000)
42 Witch Hunter Robin (2002)
43 Saikano (2002)
44 Vandread (2000)
45 Uchuu no Stellvia (2003)
46 Great Teacher Onizuka (2000)
47 Hoshi no Koe (2002)
48 Chrno Crusade (2003)
49 Hunter X Hunter (1999)
50 Spirited Away (2001)
51 Vision of Escaflowne (1996)
52 Read or Die (2001)
53 D.N Angel (2003)
54 Slam Dunk (1993)
55 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
56 Initial D - First Stage (1998)
57 Gunslinger Girl (2003)
58 12 Kokuki (2002)
59 Ai Yori Aoshi (2002)
60 Serial Experiments Lain (1998)
[[61 Ima, Sokoni Iru Boku (-)]]
62 AA! Megami Sama (1993)
63 Shaman King (2001)
64 Card Captor Sakura (1998)
65 Mahoromatic (2001)
66 Princess Mononoke (1997)
67 Golden Boy (1995)
68 Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986)
69 Midori no Hibi (2004)
70 Ai Mai Mi ! Strawberry Egg (2001)
71 Rurouni Kenshin - Seisouhen (2001)
[[72 Seikai no Monshou (1999)]]
[[73 Planet ES (2003)]]
74 My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
75 .hack//SIGN (2002)
[[76 Seikai no Senki 2 (2001)]]
77 Ghost in the Shell (1995)
78 Kanon (2002)
79 Samurai Champloo (2004)
80 Kidou Tenshi Angelic Layer (2001)
81 Mahoromatic TV 2 (2002)
82 Onegai Twins (2003)
83 Macross Zero (2002)
84 R.O.D -THE TV- (2003)
85 Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2001)
86 AA! Megami Sama: The Movie (2000)
87 Martian Successor Nadesico (1996)
88 Ultra Maniac TV (2003)
89 Yu Yu Hakusho (-)
90 Maburaho (2003)
91 Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex 1st GIG (2002)
92 Outlaw Star (1998)
93 Ayashi no Ceres (2000)
94 Evangelion: End of Evangelion (1997)
95 Akira (1988)
[[96 Seikai no Senki (2000)]]
97 Kaleido Star (2003)
98 Love Hina OVA (2002)
99 Tokyo Underground (2002)
100 Excel Saga (1999)
And that my friends is what you call scary obssessed. Next goal: see the rest of all those series I've only seen part of.
Let's just say waking up at 3pm was *not* a good way to get stuff done... I don't even know what happened. I just passed out and didn't move until 3. And then I was just groggy and headachey. Work was fun though. We finally wrote a good script out for an educational video and it's going to be a lot of fun filming it. =)
The only good thing about today was that I *finally* wrote and emailed off that abstract for my summer work. It is due the 30th so I needed to get it done. I don't think it's half bad for my first one. Hopefully I get lots of good comments for it so it can be perfect for when we sent it off for the meeting. *crosses fingers* I really want to go to Hawaii in Feb....
I think I might take some time to do some musing. Let people know what's going on in my mind and such. LJ-cut as usual in case you just dont care enough to read it.
It's been an interesting month... friendships made.. others quite possibly lost... some still shaky. This whole thing with Pat is throwing me off big-time. And I can't help but feel it's all my fault. I'm not good at this telling people straight up what you think and feel. I'm sure many people I know think I'm just a cold-hearted, cruel bitch. I'm not sure what to make of that. I've been ignoring it, but it's just kinda hurting things more. And then you have the people who think I'm the exact opposite, that I did exactly what I should have done. And at this point I don't even know how to describe things properly. It's... interesting...
I've come to quite a few conclusions over the past week as a result of talking to lots of people... Mostly about who I am as a person and why things didn't work. We are very different in the way we handle relationships. I look for equality in any relationship whether it be romantic or otherwise. The ability to look at the other person and know where I stand with them and that I can not only tell them when they are doing wrong, but also knowing that they will tell me when I am wrong. I'd never thought about it before really. But.. a lot of what I got from Pat was the feeling of being worshipped. I dunno.. it was ok for a while, but you start to feel inadequate after a while.
*sigh* That totally didn't even sum it all up, but I don't feel like typing my way through it. The worst now is the attempt to stay friends. Despite how it seems now, I'd like to be friends again... eventually. Right now I feel like I can't though... there's till too much of the worship there. Little comments... And inside, maybe all I want is for him to hate me. Loathe me and never want to talk to me again. My punishment. I can't face things like I did before, knowing what happened, knowing my failure to see things in myself earlier. Most people would think that worship would be a good self-esteem booster. Well... I have low self esteem. That coupled with the feeling that I'm not worthy of admiration.. I can't live up to that. It's not good. It does not fun things to my mind. Meh. wtf is wrong with me? Why would I just desire it? Why would anyone feel like they should just be disliked?
And people telling me I'm awesome... good... nice.... pretty... I dunno. I'm not feeling it. But that's off-topic. If I even have a topic. People think I don't want to be friends with Pat again. It's the impression I've given off. But as it stands... I can't right now. Hovering over me is that feeling that I'm still being regarded as something pure, a person incapable of evil. There's too much past and I need to reconcile myself with it. I've haven't acknowledged it yet.
I know it hurts... I know it's not fun. God knows I'm not having fun... *sigh*
Life... what am I gonna do with you.
I can't even put half of what I think in words.. and I don't think I'm going to try.
Bold = I’ve seen all of it
Italics = I’ve seen part of it
Brackets = I’ve never even heard of it.
1 Rurouni Kenshin - Reminiscence (1999)
2 Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien (2003)
3 Full Moon wo Sagashite (2002)
4 Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)
5 Fruits Basket (2001)
6 Cowboy Bebop (1998)
7 Gundam Seed (2002)
8 Last EXILE (2003)
9 Naruto (2002)
10 Berserk (1997)
11 Trigun (1998)
12 Cowboy Bebop - Knockin’ on heaven’s door (2001)
13 Hikaru no Go (2001)
14 Rurouni Kenshin (1996)
15 Inuyasha (2000)
16 Love Hina (2000)
17 Furi Kuri (2000)
18 Rahxephon (2002)
19 Azumanga Daioh (2002)
20 Wolf’s Rain (2003)
21 Kiddy Grade (2002)
22 Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu!(2003)
23 Scrapped Princess (2003)
24 Onegai Teacher (2002)
25 Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
26 Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995)
27 Chobits (2002)
28 GetBackers (2002)
29 Full Metal Panic! (2002)
[[30 Shingetsutan Tsukihime (2003)]]
31 Noir (2001)
32 X TV (2001)
33 Vandread 2 (2001)
34 Scryed (2001)
35 Tennis no Ohjisama (2001)
36 Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou (1998)
37 Hellsing (2001)
38 GunGrave (2003)
39 One Piece (1999)
40 Haibane Renmei (2002)
41 Hajime no Ippo (2000)
42 Witch Hunter Robin (2002)
43 Saikano (2002)
44 Vandread (2000)
45 Uchuu no Stellvia (2003)
46 Great Teacher Onizuka (2000)
47 Hoshi no Koe (2002)
48 Chrno Crusade (2003)
49 Hunter X Hunter (1999)
50 Spirited Away (2001)
51 Vision of Escaflowne (1996)
52 Read or Die (2001)
53 D.N Angel (2003)
54 Slam Dunk (1993)
55 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
56 Initial D - First Stage (1998)
57 Gunslinger Girl (2003)
58 12 Kokuki (2002)
59 Ai Yori Aoshi (2002)
60 Serial Experiments Lain (1998)
[[61 Ima, Sokoni Iru Boku (-)]]
62 AA! Megami Sama (1993)
63 Shaman King (2001)
64 Card Captor Sakura (1998)
65 Mahoromatic (2001)
66 Princess Mononoke (1997)
67 Golden Boy (1995)
68 Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986)
69 Midori no Hibi (2004)
70 Ai Mai Mi ! Strawberry Egg (2001)
71 Rurouni Kenshin - Seisouhen (2001)
[[72 Seikai no Monshou (1999)]]
[[73 Planet ES (2003)]]
74 My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
75 .hack//SIGN (2002)
[[76 Seikai no Senki 2 (2001)]]
77 Ghost in the Shell (1995)
78 Kanon (2002)
79 Samurai Champloo (2004)
80 Kidou Tenshi Angelic Layer (2001)
81 Mahoromatic TV 2 (2002)
82 Onegai Twins (2003)
83 Macross Zero (2002)
84 R.O.D -THE TV- (2003)
85 Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2001)
86 AA! Megami Sama: The Movie (2000)
87 Martian Successor Nadesico (1996)
88 Ultra Maniac TV (2003)
89 Yu Yu Hakusho (-)
90 Maburaho (2003)
91 Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex 1st GIG (2002)
92 Outlaw Star (1998)
93 Ayashi no Ceres (2000)
94 Evangelion: End of Evangelion (1997)
95 Akira (1988)
[[96 Seikai no Senki (2000)]]
97 Kaleido Star (2003)
98 Love Hina OVA (2002)
99 Tokyo Underground (2002)
100 Excel Saga (1999)
And that my friends is what you call scary obssessed. Next goal: see the rest of all those series I've only seen part of.
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thanks..
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I really enjoy anime, but i can't be fucked downloading/buying it. So i try to borrow them from mates. lol
These ones above sounds sup as!!
-AC
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<3 anime
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After writing all of this out, I hope you feel at least a little better...you "cold unfeeling bitch!!" j/k ;-) Seriously, if anyone tells you that you are.....I will be quite willing to murda-lize them.
I agree with squu_47. But I also understand wanting to be hated instead of being worshipped. I think the mere fact you feel this way is demonstrative (yeh...i know...big word...) of the fact that you aren't cold, or unfeeling, but rather invested in other people's feelings, especially towards you.
luv luv luv
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i suppose i feel a little better. my moods have been odd lately, but all the crap above i've been thinking about for a while. *sighs*
and i would pay to see sweet little you try and murda-lize *anyone*.
thanks for the comment dear. *hughug*
ps-squee_47=jacob *grin*
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You're not obsessed with anime... you just like it a bunch... I'm gonna do that list and see if I could be obsessed.
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And I suppose I'm not *that* obssessed... now get back to me in a year when I've seen all of those 100 series! =)