Dec. 24th, 2005 12:04 pm
fiarra: (ed!yawn ~teruteruboozu)
Heh... I just thought of the poem I wrote in 4th grade that my parents still haunt me with...

It's Christmas Eve
We have a tree
One problem
We forgot the ornaments...

Clearly I was literary genius when I was 8... *sweatdrop*

It still doesn't feel like Christmas. Granted, I haven't wrapped anything, haven't been listening to Christmas-y music. Nothing. And with the various events and discoveries of the past few days, I can't see how anyone would expect me to be in the spirit.

Maybe the Christmas party tonight will do it. But I doubt it. That party is always awkward. I'm too young to be sitting with the adults talking in Spanish about random shit and drinking wine. And of the younger people, the oldest is only a senior in high school. Me being a junior in college does nothing for me. I can't relate anymore. *sigh* 20 is an awkward place to be.... So I can hardly imagine I will do much more than eat lots of food and float between the 2 groups trying to look interested. All I can hope is that Daniela doesn't start asking me questions about college life like last time I saw her. My college life is hardly normal and the normal-type things that do happen to me aren't something I really want to be talking about when my parents are in the vicinity. Meh.

It's strange how much a stagnated over this past week. I've been sort of listlessly floating through everything.

*sigh* I was going to wonder about that stagnation, but I've just been reminded why I don't like home. My brother is a pain in the ass ALL THE TIME. And he sees me borrowing wireless and bugs me endlessly about getting internet here. It's not like I haven't tried. I've talked to my dad. I've talked to my mom. And that never ends well. Ever. It ends with lots of yelling and everyone angry at everyone else and then I get frustrated and just go to my room and wish the world would go away. And maybe it's dumb, but I dont appreciate it. And then my mom accuses me of hiding things from them. Hiding what!? If they really wanted to know what I was doing on the computer, they can freakin ask me. But I think I'm past the stage where I should need to tell them everything I'm doing. I'm prefectly capable of doing my own thing, and I just want to know why they can't just open their eyes and see that. I've been* doing my own thing for a few years now. *sigh* I dunno... it dumb and I wish I were at school so at least I would be with my friends there and, yes, going to class. Cuz anything is better than this...

Speaking of which, I don't even know who I'm going back to school for besides like Jacob and Kate and the HS friends I have there... I've hardly spoken to anyone cuz of everything that's happened with Pat. Everything that's still happening really.. There's not much I can do. I offered my apologies, and I guess I got my answer to that. Others are drifting or just straight up walking away... And others... well I dont know where they stand with me anymore.

I'm not quite sure what's going on anymore to be quite honest. And with everyday that passes I can't help but think that this vacation came to soon. Thanksgiving break was a period of stabilization, but that could only last for so long. And just as things were starting to unravel again, we all went home. And now there's nothing to stabilize because it's still in the process of falling apart. And I feel like... we all needed to still be at school. We needed to be able to still talk to each other face to face and figure out this tangled disaster. Or maybe that was just me. I need to figure out this tangled disaster I've been calling my life lately.


In other news, I was doing searches of my cousin last night cuz she models and I wanted to see if she's done anything new. Turns out... she was cast in the title female role for what is being billed at the first Chilean martial arts movie!!! And all I thought was, WTF!? NO ONE TOLD ME!!

(two hours later)Went to lunch with Phil. Good times. and now i have more anime to watch! w00tage times 10.

anyway, time to wrap presents


fiarra: (Default)

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