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So I started at the lab. Basically, I'm once again being told that I'm on my own schedule. Except this time I need to do it in even less time since I won't be there all week. So.... I need to find my weekly planner again. Mostly because I'm going to have to find times to do things on the non-human blood days. It makes me sad being there though. The people have totally changed from last summer... and once again I feel like I'm not really a part of it. Although I guess I really wasnt anyway to begin with. I just need to concentrate on getting my work done I suppose. And that's it.
The car issue is going to be forced next week. Mostly because a little while ago my dad asked me what days I would be working and then promptly told that it wouldn't work with his schedule. So I had to re-plan everything. *And* once again I will not have a car on Justin's day off. So not only is that a problem but it's ALSO made me change my work plans. The only problem is that my money is now slowly being tapped into for gas for the car I'm using now... and I was told that I wouldn't get my first paycheck for like... 3 weeks. So basically... there's no question in my mind that my parents are going to need to help me. But they haven't said they would...
I guess I've just been a strange mood for a while now. And now that I've been out of my house a little more often, I realize how much I need to get out. It's pretty bleak here for me. I'm not saying that to be ungrateful for everything my parents do/have done/will do for me. But it comes down to the fact that we clash too often over what I should/shouldn't be doing (ie-what time I go to bed, what I do in my free time). And in the end it makes me lose any desire to do anything at all. I was starting to draw again at the end of the semester.. and now I can't make myself start any of the ideas I've had floating around in my head because it just doesn't seem worth it. I have a pile of books to read, but everytime I try I get looks and comments about lying around doing nothing. And that's the worst part... I like reading because it lets me temporarily escape into another setting... one that isn't here.
Also... having a car is so freeing. I've come realize during my trips to Clinton to visit Justin.. that I love driving on the highway, music blasting.. singing along badly and loudly. Like... I dunno. Sometimes I'm driving along and I feel like the world has potential again. I feel like I could go anywhere so long as I had a tank of gas to drive on and music to carry me through. Although company would not be missed... preferably company that likes to sing loudly with me. And then I just feel stupid for thinking like that.
I guess I've just gotten restless. Restless and tired of being home. I see people around me moving out... moving on. And I've moved on partly I guess. But in my mind... it still doesn't count. Not while I'm still here.
I wonder if that makes me an ungrateful daughter....
The car issue is going to be forced next week. Mostly because a little while ago my dad asked me what days I would be working and then promptly told that it wouldn't work with his schedule. So I had to re-plan everything. *And* once again I will not have a car on Justin's day off. So not only is that a problem but it's ALSO made me change my work plans. The only problem is that my money is now slowly being tapped into for gas for the car I'm using now... and I was told that I wouldn't get my first paycheck for like... 3 weeks. So basically... there's no question in my mind that my parents are going to need to help me. But they haven't said they would...
I guess I've just been a strange mood for a while now. And now that I've been out of my house a little more often, I realize how much I need to get out. It's pretty bleak here for me. I'm not saying that to be ungrateful for everything my parents do/have done/will do for me. But it comes down to the fact that we clash too often over what I should/shouldn't be doing (ie-what time I go to bed, what I do in my free time). And in the end it makes me lose any desire to do anything at all. I was starting to draw again at the end of the semester.. and now I can't make myself start any of the ideas I've had floating around in my head because it just doesn't seem worth it. I have a pile of books to read, but everytime I try I get looks and comments about lying around doing nothing. And that's the worst part... I like reading because it lets me temporarily escape into another setting... one that isn't here.
Also... having a car is so freeing. I've come realize during my trips to Clinton to visit Justin.. that I love driving on the highway, music blasting.. singing along badly and loudly. Like... I dunno. Sometimes I'm driving along and I feel like the world has potential again. I feel like I could go anywhere so long as I had a tank of gas to drive on and music to carry me through. Although company would not be missed... preferably company that likes to sing loudly with me. And then I just feel stupid for thinking like that.
I guess I've just gotten restless. Restless and tired of being home. I see people around me moving out... moving on. And I've moved on partly I guess. But in my mind... it still doesn't count. Not while I'm still here.
I wonder if that makes me an ungrateful daughter....